Canning What They Do

“Mr Arabin, as he sat at his open window, enjoying the delicious moonlight and gazing at the...

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 23:43:48 -0700

“Mr Arabin, as he sat at his open window, enjoying the delicious moonlight and gazing at the gray towers of the church, which stood almost within the rectory grounds, little dreamed that he was the subject of so many friendly or unfriendly criticisms. Considering how much we are all given to discuss the characters of others, and discuss them often not in the strictest spirit of charity, it is singular how little we are inclined to think that others can speak ill-naturedly of us, and how angry and hurt we are when proof reaches us that they have done so. It is hardly too much to say that we all of us occasionally speak of our dearest friends in a manner which those dearest friends would very little like to hear themselves mentioned; and that we nevertheless expect that our dearest friends shall invariably speak of us as though they were blind to all our faults, but keenly alive to every shade of our virtues.”

— Anthony Trollope, Barchester Towers

Replace “friends” with “sister” and this...

Tue, 08 Jan 2013 16:53:41 -0800

Replace “friends” with “sister” and this is pretty much what you get.

(Drawing by Lucy Knisley, who continues to creep me out by going through the same emotional beats as me at the same time for going on five years now.)

Book list updated

Mon, 07 Jan 2013 13:45:22 -0800

In case any of you are still interested, I’ve updated the book list with everything I read in 2012. (It continues to have everything I’ve read since mid-2007.) It wasn’t a great book-reading year for me, as I hit a slump in books and in life in general, but I’m optimistic about reading more in 2013— my goal this year is to read all of the Tournament of Books contestants before the tournament itself. Off to the library to pick up Bring Up the Bodies!

Something that is inadvisable to post on Tumblr

Tue, 11 Dec 2012 16:16:01 -0800

me: i have never been to the pot clinic while high before. this is going to be painfully awkward. as it is, the people there are barely capable of normal communication.
Sam: of all the places where you might feel comfortable being high....
me: no, the total opposite
that place scares the shit out of me
it's like a warehouse where they store hipsters that are too catatonic for mass distribution

Ah, publicist e-mails.

Mon, 29 Oct 2012 14:45:29 -0700

Ah, publicist e-mails.

I was Googling the hotel where I’m supposed to meet the...

Thu, 18 Oct 2012 11:12:17 -0700

I was Googling the hotel where I’m supposed to meet the organizers of a cocktail contest I judged. If they want more guests, they might want to work on their highlighted keywords.

Photo

Thu, 11 Oct 2012 12:55:03 -0700

Photo

Fri, 17 Aug 2012 16:38:17 -0700

Your daily civic insight.

Tue, 14 Aug 2012 22:46:00 -0700

“In the past six months, we asked 191,144 Americans about their choice in the Presidential Election between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. That same group also provided millions of answers to thousands of other poll questions about their lifestyle, demographics, favorite brands, celebrities, movies, finances, and even their hair and eye color.”

This poll, which I don’t think is a random sample in the least, remains totally interesting/insane. Discussed herein: blue eyes, Bruno Mars, Qdoba, number of U.S. states visited, Twihards, and other things that will blow your mind.

Let's face it.

Mon, 13 Aug 2012 00:01:36 -0700

There are three kinds of people in this world (to you, and to me).

1) The ones where we care about what’s coming out of their mouth;

2) The ones where we care about how their mouth moves as they say it;

3) Everyone else.

As for turning #2 back into #1, I’m utterly lost.

“One of the great things about Louie is how it deals with...

Mon, 06 Aug 2012 18:59:10 -0700

“One of the great things about Louie is how it deals with the various pitfalls involved in trying to be a generally progressive-minded, nice guy, white male in the 21st century. You’re always acutely aware of the built-in benefits you have from your position, but you’re always somewhat sensitive about them as well. You’ve got all those usual straight-guy concerns—heaven forbid anybody ever imply you’re gay—but you’re also aware how ridiculous they are. In some ways, Louie functions as a guide to being an urban-dwelling guy in the modern age. You can’t change who you were born as, nor would you want to, but you can always try to navigate the various minefields out there with a little more grace than your ancestors did.” —Todd VanDerWerff

Further adventures from the annals of “High School Friends...

Tue, 24 Jul 2012 09:39:11 -0700

Further adventures from the annals of “High School Friends on Facebook.”

While I’m very glad for the woman mentioned in the article, who survived a bullet to the brain due to a medical anomaly, what about the 17 people who were killed, the numerous people who were injured, and their families? “No such thing as coincidence” for them either, I suppose?

Advice.

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 00:10:08 -0700

How do you deprogram your parents from their world of Roger Ailes-induced false dichotomies? My dad literally said to me, “Nancy Pelosi is just as bad as Mitch McConnell.” I don’t think he can name one thing Nancy Pelosi has done that’s beyond the pale, other than being a woman in a position of power.

Seriously, why don’t Salon/Jezebel/n+1/The New York Times op-ed section/literally anyone with a command of the facts offer a “teach your parents real facts about American life and politics” service? I would pay SO MUCH MONEY to have my parents go through a weekend workshop that quickly taught all the stuff I’ve absorbed from years of osmosis reading news articles.

All y’all need to stop writing articles about societal problems and start making cheatsheets of how to explain them to your parents in such a way that they don’t immediately get defensive. That is the only way we’re going to get real political change in this country.

(P.S. How do you deal with the accusation that if you don’t either run a company or volunteer/work full-time for a charity, your thoughts on society are all rhetoric and you’re a huge hypocrite? ‘Cause I know there’s got to be a way, but I’ve got nothing.)

Dave Chappelle and my iPhone

Wed, 04 Jul 2012 09:54:00 -0700

If you like Dave Chappelle, you’re probably aware that he dropped out of show business for the most part a while back, and now does random shows whereever and whenever he feels like it, with little to no warning. I’ve long dreamt of going to one of Chappelle’s pop-ups, and he seems to have a special fondness for the Bay Area, because he does them here quite a bit (though they’re usually in Oakland). Apparently he’ll call a venue, sometimes just a day or two in advance, and book the space (adios, moderately famous indie band previously scheduled for the night). He can do this because he charges $55 for tickets, and his shows sell out in literally one minute. Luckily, my friend Peter was sitting by the computer hitting the refresh button like a maniac when the tickets went up, and was able to purchase a pair. Even more luckily, he invited me with him.

Chappelle did two shows last night, 7:30 and 10:30 pm, and being an intelligent fellow, Peter wisely purchased tickets to the late show, aware that Chappelle has been known to riff into the wee hours of the morning. On this count, the man did not disappoint: he got a slightly late start, but came on stage more or less on time (mitigating a major concern for me— he’s also been known to make crowds wait for hours) and was up there for over three hours, to the point where the 2 am alcohol cutoff kicked in and the staff had to vigorously remove every empty drink in the place in order to stay compliant. He threatened to leave the stage and call it a night a few times, but the crowd was happily rooting him on to stay, and stay he did.

You know how you like an actor so much that you say you’d watch them read the phonebook? That is what we (and everyone) basically did seeing Dave Chappelle last night. He had little to no prepared material, and spent hours just riffing. He’s extremely funny, so he was able to get away with this, though I do think there’s still probably more virtue (and laughs) in showing up with a top-notch pre-written set and working improvised stuff in around the edges. The folks seated dead-center in the front row, a black woman and her Asian guy friend, ended up becoming major players in the act, especially when Chappelle started trying to guess which Asian ethnicity the guy was. This game proceeded, on and off, for over two hours (some of the funniest riffs were when someone suggested “Hmong,” an ethnic group Chappelle had apparently never heard of), with the eventual lackluster revelation that the dude was Vietnamese. (That said, Peter and I had been absolutely certain he was Korean.) The closing of the show was Chappelle offering to fly this guy to Vietnam (he was American-born and had never been), provided he brought along a giant cardboard cutout of Chappelle and took it with him everywhere he went. I deeply hope to witness this YouTube video one day.

The venue set up a number of chairs, but attendees overflowed the seating, and Peter and I were towards the end of the line. Since we are both very short, we were able to squeeze into a little nook about two-thirds of the way up the side of the stage, with me sitting in his lap to prevent blocking the view of the people in the chairs on the side. Unfortunately, doing this for three hours was my quads’ idea of hell, so when the seat at the very end of the front row was vacated by a dude who probably had to go to work in the morning, I pounced, leaving my purse at Peter’s feet.

Apparently, the venue had been telling everyone else that their cell phones had to be completely turned off, but the guy at the door only told us “no taping or recording,” so mine was on but silenced in my bag. This ended up coming in handy when Chappelle was riffing on the Fourth of July (as one does on the third of July) and asked if he could have someone’s smartphone in order to read the Gettysburg Address aloud. Everyone else shouted, “They made us turn them off!” but I raised my hand like an overgrown idiot schoolgirl, and since I was in the front row, he commissioned me to loan him the device. I ran for my handbag to grab it, but it turned out the strap was tangled around Peter’s feet. So as I yanked it back to my seat, it gave, and I tripped and fell. I landed on my ass, losing my right shoe, and everyone gasped.

Regular readers of this blog will know that I am one of the world’s clumsiest people, but that has also made me extremely resilient when I inevitably fall down, so I immediately bounced back, replaced the shoe, grabbed the phone, and began furiously Googling “gettysburg address.”

Chappelle: “Are you OK?”

Me (head in phone): “Yes!”

Chappelle: “You’re one of those one-handed texters, aren’t you?”

I completed the search, found the speech itself (second result, and I knew not to go to the Wikipedia page, #googleswag), and blew it up with my fingers and centered it on the page. And Chappelle proceeded to read it (well, some of it) while his friend Fred played the national anthem on a harmonica. While a comedian (even a funny one) reading the Gettysburg Address aloud isn’t the most hilarious thing in the world, I was hyperventilating with laughter as I had the repeated realization about every five seconds that Dave Chappelle was playing with my iPhone.

I’ve long said that the very expensive iPhone, which I probably cannot justify owning as an impoverished freelance writer, was worth it because paid for itself in saved cab fare from me knowing when the next bus is coming. But just in case it hasn’t, Dave Chappelle reading from the damn thing kicked the last few bucks into the kitty. It was pretty awesome.

And yeah, I know this story is utterly dumb (“FAMOUS PERSON TOUCHED MY ELECTRONIC DEVICE DURRRRR”), but given how excited everyone was that I was even going to the show, I thought you might enjoy this little anecdote. Also, I wish that there was some kind of marker that let someone sign your iPhone and that I had had it in my possession last night, because I would have actually had a convincing case to stick around and have that happen.

An e-mail update from the “Ivy League Jobs and...

Thu, 28 Jun 2012 06:38:00 -0700

An e-mail update from the “Ivy League Jobs and Recruiting” group I absently joined on LinkedIn a couple of years back. This paragraph more or less perfectly explains the mentality of the current American ruling class.

Help me find new music?

Fri, 22 Jun 2012 11:28:00 -0700

I used to be a concert reporter. I would go to a show almost every week, and read Pitchfork daily, and pick up new albums almost all the time. Since I graduated from college, I feel like the generic and utterly arbitrary category we will call “indie” has changed a lot in the past five years, and the bands that are big right now don’t really speak to me. They feel juvenile and boring, and more like background music than something I actively want to listen to over and over. The thing is, I’m also sick of listening to my old albums over and over. I need to start giving a shit about music again, or else I will dry up into a ball and perish of lameness by age 30.

Here is why I am not listening to indie bands much these days:

- I like bands that are pop-rock and driven by real instruments, not synthesizers. “Electronic-influenced” is generally a turn-off for me. I want people who play guitar and piano and drums, not computer.

- I like bands where the vocals are clearly articulated, and not lost in a sea of drone or telephoned in through like 30 tin cans.

- I like songs that are relatively catchy. I am not into “metal” or whatever you guys call that stuff that has the dudes that sound like screaming six-pack-a-day smokers.

- Good lyrics are immensely important to me. I like interesting, funny, weird, or complex lyrics. I don’t mind silly songs, as long as the jokes are good, and I don’t mind sad songs, but I want them to be intelligent and written from interesting perspectives.

Based on these parameters, can you recommend any current bands that might be to my tastes? Or am I hopelessly ’90s for even wanting to listen to this kind of stuff?

I downloaded Spotify (yes, I did not have it until yesterday) so I can listen to your suggestions!

This is so beautiful. On the list of “things guaranteed to...

Thu, 07 Jun 2012 13:52:58 -0700

This is so beautiful.

On the list of “things guaranteed to make Allie cry,” Mr. Rogers is entries #1, 2, and 3.

The Quito airport has all the amenities you’ll need!

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 12:37:23 -0700

The Quito airport has all the amenities you’ll need!

Ah yes, alcohol. One of the most famed dishes in the Russian...

Thu, 31 May 2012 16:01:00 -0700

Ah yes, alcohol. One of the most famed dishes in the Russian culinary tradition.

(From my daily-deal e-mail aggregator.)

I'm in Paper magazine!

Tue, 29 May 2012 09:10:00 -0700

Hi everyone,

I did two articles for a big spread on food and food culture for the May issue of Paper, and they’re finally up online! I hope you enjoy them. I was not present when the amazing photos were taken, but I wish I was.

The Food Networks: Scribe Winery

The Food Networks: The Pizza Project

I have yet to see the print issue, but you will know when I do, because my squee-ing will be heard from thousands of miles away.

(Also, yes, Andrew Mariani really does look like a male model in person.)