“I am, by nature, an expert grudge hoarder. But I don’t save all my grudges for breakups— for me, it’s the disappointments that haunt me like Fail Ghosts. I dwell and retread and mourn relationships that could have been with characters you’ll meet soon. There are some doozies! And I haven’t even included the story about the guy I met at a Korean barbecue restaurant who said, after I remarked on the grill built into our table, that the place was perfect for a blind date, because, ‘if you don’t like your date’s face, you can just mash it into the grill.’ That guy deserves a book of his own, but I think Bret Easton Ellis already wrote it.”—Julie Klausner, I Don’t Care About Your Band, introduction.
“My mother always used to say, “Old saying: Never insult the guy holding the gun.” I have since learned that this was not, in fact, an old saying. My mom just knew me well enough to know that, if someone ever pulled a gun on me, I would mouth off to him. Which would be a bad idea.”—Sady Doyle.